> For the complete documentation index, see [llms.txt](https://wiki.sjaykh.in/curiosity/llms.txt). Markdown versions of documentation pages are available by appending `.md` to page URLs; this page is available as [Markdown](https://wiki.sjaykh.in/curiosity/writing/looking-back/2026/2026-august.md). # 2026 - August Again, went through a rough patch and came back with things that are important to me. It is not titles or being a tech bro. I am much more simple than that. Job for me is a means of survival, that should energise me to do other things. I get joy from reading, watching, talking with friends and family. This month has reiterated how important those things are for me. The part of my fight against anxiety is to do more things, do more of the things that gives me joy. Taking care of my body, mind, working enough, drawing boundaries and fences. Watching and reading things i care about. that is what it is to be human. Somewhere when I was young, a version of me learned that to bring in changes - you have to sacrifice everything and become a tech bro (zuck, steve jobs) - yet steve had a very sad life, where at the end he regretted a lot of things - i don't want to be there. I now recognise when things I don't like is being shoved to me. I don't want to be "great" - I just want to do good, and be good done to me. I am starting to understand why people pray and go to temples. Community and trusting in an energy is important. I am starting to understand. **I am starting to grow up.** **I have had this energy connect me with people - whose stories have inspired me.** **At the end they all say the same things that bring me joy** **good food, good conversations, good health, music, books, stories, family, community, friends, love,** **sunrise, sunsets :)** {% embed url="" %} When the voice starts It will call something a waste of time. It will predict you will never get better. It will suggest putting it into work instead, where you already have proof. Notice that it never recommends work because work is better. It recommends the place with evidence, because the other place has none. That is fear wearing a sensible voice. John Nash never made the hallucinations go away. He stopped doing what they said. Your own question What is the worst that can happen? You wrote that this single question has shaped more of your path than you realised. Use it. Most of the time the honest answer is: something is mediocre and one person knows. Two things to stop doing Waiting for certainty before starting. It is not on offer, to anyone, ever. The certainty is the price the fear is charging, set deliberately at a level that cannot be paid. Grading the recovery. If you catch yourself assessing how well you are handling this, that is the same rule in new clothes. The goal is not to become better. It is to become less dependent on being better. Timshel Thou mayest. Not thou shalt. No guarantee attached. Nobody grants it — not Rahul, not Hisam, not your parents, not me. That is the bad news and it is also the entire point. What I value I am not just my job. The job is one place I do the things I care about. It is not the measure of me. Timshel. Thou mayest. No permission needed, no guarantee given.
I need passion. Something I make because I want to, not because it returns anything. I need fun. Things I read and watch for no reason at all. I need my family. My friends. Real conversations. I need my health. Sleep. My body. I need work that means something, on my own terms, that pays me well. I can do just enough in some places. Not everything needs my best. Talent is not given. It is practised. I can be bad at something and get better. The worst that can happen is usually: it is mediocre, and one person knows. Enough is enough. I get one life and I am living it now, not later.